Saturday, May 6

Fuck allergies!

AAAAGHHH. *points at subject* Fuck allergies! I didn't even know I /had/ allergies until about two weeks ago, and it SUCKS. ... that's it.

Wednesday, May 3

Counting sheep.

Short post today. I was just trying to sleep, and I typically resort to meditation and similar things to clear my mind. It never works very well, but it helps sometimes.

But tonight, I was trying to count sheep. You know, sheep hops over the fence, then the next, etc. Simple! But you see, every time I have ever tried this, I can't control the sheep. Several will jump over, or they'll start jumping too fast to count! This is really strange, and almost scary, because it is like I can't control my own mind.

It just makes me wonder if it is a hint at some weird deep-rooted psychological issue, or just something strange about me.

Interesting, though!

Tuesday, May 2


the last few days, i've felt that i really should be writing in this blog more, however the last few days have been so uneventful that there is nothing to write about.

i mean i've been doing stuff. i worked a bunch on the Ninjapirate Wiki but I am probably the only person who sees that site as worth anything. Nobody else really seems to give a damn.

aside from that, mostly just the usual. playing with linux. lots of eye candy, check out the latest shots here if you care.

lately i've been reeeally struggling to come up with motivation to do the things that are actually important. things like getting my GED, getting a job, maybe even a life. i am completely sick and tired of sitting here being a nerd all the time. i don't know what my problem is, but i really need to get my shit together. looking at the last few years, i am a pathetic excuse for a person. not saying it to down on myself, but if i saw someone else in my situation, that's probably how i'd think of them. so i can be judgemental, sue me.

don't get me wrong, i take a lot of pride in the geeky things i do. i am extremely proud of my accomplishments in the linux world, however insignificant they may be. that's not going to change, i just need to start a new chapter in the story of rayray. only problem is i can't seem to get the fucking page to turn, heh.

i have "goals" but not really much of a path to get there. what do i want to do? i want to be a *nix systems administrator. its the kinda thing i'd be good at, and probably have fun doing. but getting there is going to be a lot of work, and i don't really know if i have what it takes to do it.

i can't help but think "what if i just end up in some dead end job, and the computer stuff stays as it is; a hobby?" people are always supportive though, but for some reason it doesn't seem to make a difference if other people believe in me or not. i like to think i believe in myself, but i'm starting to think that i don't; but tell myself i do. kind've a paradox there, i guess.

rant rant rant. months of silence and suddenly this huge personal outburst. i feel kinda better now though.